Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Fighting dirty is not cool

I have a very good friend who recently moved out of state to be with a man. She has known him online for a few years but only met him in person last year. Without delving too much into her personal details, they basically fell in love quickly, she transferred with her job to his city, and now they are expecting a child. All in a 6 month period of time.

I only wish the best for her. And most of the time he is very loving towards her. However, when they get into an argument he doesn't fight fair. He accuses her of being selfish, hangs up on her if they are on the phone, or cuts her off when she is trying to make her point. It is a very immature way of handling conflict, and stems from how he was brought up and from his previous marriage.

I have held my tongue on more than one occasion when she tells me this because I don't want her to feel she can't talk to me. It is just very hard for me because she has literally sacrificed everything to be with him: her family and friends, a better position in her company, and on top of it all, she more or less supports him and his 3 children (when they are at their home). I just want him to appreciate how hard this has been for her, how her job has become very stressful, how she is having a baby and has no girlfriends to support her there, and finally, how much better his life is because she is in it. I just am not so sure he sees that because if he did, he might not be so quick to call her selfish.

As I have said before, I am a worrier. And her situation gives me plenty to fret over.

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