Sunday, where art thou?

Is it just me, or does it seem like the weekends feel shorter and shorter? Since we had bf's friends in town we literally got nothing done that we wanted to do. And since we are working on a new business venture we really needed to get things done. Supposedly we have friends coming in again this weekend, but we are both hoping they change their minds because we need a break. July will be very busy.

Watching the news is more depressing than usual. In addition to the war and all of the crime that goes on in a big city there is the cost of gas and the slumping stock market. Oh, and it is going to rain...

I will pep up; after all, it is only a 4 day work week so that is something positive.

The art of commuication

My bf and I got into an argument last night. We have guests this weekend and they are his friends who I have just met. It seemed to me that many times he was giving me looks or nudging me under the table when I was talking about one thing or the other. When I brought this up to him he said something to the affect that he wanted to make sure I didn't say something wrong (which I didn't) because he wanted them to like me. He also said he wasn't doing it nearly as much as I perceived him to be.

Well, I almost lost it. I told him that I wanted them to like me for who I was, not some censored version. We went back and forth about this (in our room privately), and I am still not sure if things are resolved. I think I sometimes let things build up when I should just call him out right away.

Its all a learning process, I realize that. Some days are harder than others. Most days, however, it is worth it. And making up after a disagreement can be pretty fun too.

Note to self: review entry before posting. My spelling and grammar are so poor... sorry about that.

TGIF

I am so happy that the weekend is almost here. I have a conference call at 8:30, and work lunch at 12 and my usually appts. and then it will be here. My bf will also be back in town which makes me happy.

His close friend and his wife are visiting us this weekend. I have never met them so this will be interesting, but hopefully fun. The house is clean- I can get a lot more done when bf is our of town for some reason.

It is so hot out... I would love to have a small pool to float around in, but it won't add value to my house to practical me says no to that. Oh well...

Have a great weekend!

No pain no gain

I went to the gym today for the first time in a few weeks. I have a friend that I meet there and we both share the same lack of enthusiasm for working out. The funny thing is that I used to really enjoy it. In fact, I would spend about 2 hours there 5 days of week. I didn't have any sort of life then, but I was in the best shape of my adult life.

My weight is always an issue. I have struggled with it since puberty and I have finally come to realize that I am never going to be skinny, I will always have to watch my portions and choices, and being healthy should be my goal. The fact that I now have a man in my life that thinks I am beautiful and sexy definitely helps with my insecurities about my body. But I still have 20-25 pounds that I want to lose. If I could only lose my love of sweets too...

My biggest struggle...

with my relationship that is. I have a fairly normal work schedule in that I leave the house in the morning and return several hours later. My bf however, works from home. At least he sometimes works. He is self employed and while he has the potential to do really well he sometimes lacks focus. This in turn can lead to weeks where he makes nothing.

I should also say that he has been successful in the past but a bad business deal pretty much wiped him out. I think it has definitely affected his psyche as well.

He is full of ideas on launching new businesses and developing new products, but I feel you need to have some savings and security before you take that risk. And right now, he just doesn't have that. I earn a good living and do not need him to support me yet I worry about our future and fear that I will come to resent the way he is. When he does have money he is very generous with it, and it is not like he mooches off of me. I just know that I am more conservative and more of a fretter.

In some ways I am happier then I have ever been. I am very in love and have found a man who loves and accepts me as I am. Yet these doubts keep creeping in and they are all related to finances and our future.

I know money doesn't buy happiness and I am not saying he needs to make x amount- but I wouldn't mind a steady paycheck.

Everyone I know says its natural to have doubts, and they won't necessarily kill relationships. I am trying to learn to accept the way he is, and to realize we will be fine. I should appreciate the good he brings to my life instead of focusing on what is really the only challenge.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation? Any thoughts or advice?

A little background...

Some things about me... I am in my mid-thirties and am in sales. I live with my bf: we have been together since the end of last year and moved in together officially in April. I own my house so he moved in with me. It has been an adjustment, sometimes a little painful but usually pretty good. More on that later.

I am a Texas girl, not with the stereotypical accent but definitely with the friendliness and openness of Texans.

When I am not working I am volunteering, shopping, watching mindless TV or romantic comedy movies. I read mainly for lighthearted pleasure because so much of what I read for work is serious and academic.

I am very close to my family although none live in my city. We are "normal" in that we have our idiosyncrasies but somehow manage to make it all work . I adore my nephews and nieces; until I have children of my own they are my true joy.

My bf is driving to a city 3 hours away tonight so I need to put in some quality time. He likes to drive very late even though I am nervous until I know he has made it. Guess that's something else I should add about myself... I am a classic worrier.

Night.

My first day...

Hello.... to anyone and everyone who reads this. I have been a blog reader for a very long time, but only recently decided to create one myself. Until now, all my thoughts, emotions, frustrations, etc., have been saved on a thumb drive in a password protected document. The fact that they are about to become public is a little scary.

I read all sorts of blogs but find myself most interested in ones that are written by women similar to me... single, independent, career women wrestling with the ups and downs of dating in the 21st century. Now, I find myself in the first really serious, committed, HEALTHY relationship I have ever had, and sometimes I wonder if I am getting it right most of the time.

The overused saying "the grass is always greener" has never crossed my mind more often then the past several months. I still p0nder it every day...