Are we meant to be?

I started this blog to write about my relationship and life. I sometimes find myself holding back (already) from writing what's on my mind and I need to stop that. It ruins the point of me even writing if I censor my feelings.

I often wonder if my bf and I will make it to forever. We are so different when it comes to working, money, and even just plain everyday thinking sometimes.

I make a good living, but I always thought when I found my true love we would work together to build a future. Right now he is busy, but not necessarily making a living yet. And certainly not one that would enable us to be comfortable having a family. He is a scrapper, and always finds a way to support himself. Now that we live together I wonder if he I have made it too easy for him to find himself without any sense of urgency because I own a house, pay many of the bills, etc.

When we moved in together the agreement was that we would get engaged by the end of the year. I wasn't 100% comfortable moving in together in the first place, but I thought if we had an agreed date it would make it better. Now I wonder if he will try to extend the date. He has not really said that, but there have been a few alarming comments that make me wonder.

I, however, am sticking to my guns. If he isn't ready after living with me for a year to get engaged then he never will be and we are not made to be. As pessimistic as it sounds, I have already formulated a plan B in the event we break up. I love him so much and can't imagine not being with him, but I also won't stay with someone who doesn't want to commit to me.

So while I am not panicking and I know there is still plenty of time until the end of the year, a little part of me can't help but wonder if we really are meant to be man and wife one day.